...her spirit is with the one who broke her heart
She calls me and says she is hurting badly, her tears will not quit...should I call him she says? Should I write him a letter? And there it is, "How am I going to do this Rainey?" I think before I speak because it hasn't been too long ago since I was here, at the same place. But I've learned so much...I've changed since then...what I would've done two years ago, i wouldn't do now in a million years. So I say "You just do it". "You do it because you have no other choice right now."
You know that feeling when you can't breath? You don't eat because you are simply not hungry. And when you finally fall asleep it's mostly because the crying has made you so sleepy. Then it seems like the night flies by and your waking up realizing that it wasn't a dream, your heart is still broken and you do not know how you will drag yourself out of your bed. It's the most vulnerable, emotional place you might ever be. So right now, none of what I will say to her will matter much...
But if I tell her anything that she would hear right now I would say, use this time for you. Read more...take some time to miss him but always in the forefront of your mind, know this is growing you and teaching you so many things the universe wants you to know. I would say "this is not your fault."
Break-ups happen for a mixture of reasons but the biggest is because both parties bring their "stuff" or "baggage" in and end up losing control over why they chose each other in the first place. Feelings end up "changing" because it is no longer as blissful as it was in the beginning...the reason for that? The baggage has reared it's ugly head.
Relationships will never truly change you into a happier/more fulfilled individual...it's you that has to find that happiness on your own first. Finding someone to love and being loved back is just icing on the cake! You will be free to love that person wholly and completely, not comparing them to anyone, ever. There is a great book, it's called "In the Meantime." It is one of the most fabulous books I have ever read. It's a book that explains many reasons why we do what we do in relationships and why react the way we do. The emphasis is on taking responsibility for "your stuff" when entering a relationship. It's a great read for any person single or dating, married or divorced. I'm telling you, you are doing yourself a great service if you scoop it up.
I love my friend and will be here to help her through this, every step of the way...my goal though is to help her not ever have to go through this again.
Knowing ourselves, knowing why we react the way we react and learning how to be responsible for our "stuff" will make all the difference in the world
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
The Man I named Joe
There are things that I notice about life from day to day, aside from the things in the news, that have quite an impact on me through the week. Sometimes I dream about them or wake up thinking about them and I know then, how important they are. That I should meditate on them and learn what God is telling me. I would like to share it with you, the people who are interested in reading...learning.
Today I scooted our little Toyota into the first parking spot at Walgreens (being thankful for the spot...Spencer says I have magical powers when trying to find a good spot), hopped out and breezed into the store. I walked passed the candy isle (chewy sprees were calling my name...I made it out without giving in wahoo!) and strolled on over to the photo stand. I noticed a frail old man was standing at the photo machine...you know the one that you can duplicate your prints and make copies. I thought to myself "how in the world is he going to know how to work that? Half the time even I get stumped...I get all the way to the end and I have made an error or I accidentally press cancel instead of print." He, let's call him Joe, was asking the lady at the counter for directions, (she seemed kind of annoyed but helpful still). And I heard it "You are about to witness history" Joe said. I immediately became intrigued, not only because he was a elderly man whom I have a heart for, but because I love old stories and the history that comes from those elderly men.
He finished what he was doing at the machine and came over to the stand where I was. I had already asked the lady to please get my 8 X 10 I came to purchase. I noticed he placed a picture on the counter and a box of old slides. In the picture was him about 15 years younger it seemed and a lovely lady who looked to be around the same age. They were smiling as big as their mouth's would allow. She had warm eyes and the picture showed her as someone who was full of life. And you could just tell Joe was there to love whomever that pretty lady was.
I pointed to the picture and said "That's a good looking lady you got there", with tears in his eyes he looked at me, smiled and said "She is my one and only sweet-heart. We were sweet-hearts for 65 years. I lost her about 3 years, no 6 years ago" My heart sank for him. His love had left him 6 years ago and it probably feels as real as the day it happened. But more than the sadness I was feeling for him was the thankfulness I felt for God giving him those 65 years. He went on to tell me what a fun and exciting life of love they shared. The slides in the box were from the war he was in for two years after they were married. I felt sad that I wouldn't get to see them when he printed them... i kind of wanted to stay and watch but marriage duty (dinner) was calling.
As I paid and turned to leave I put my hand on his shoulder and I said "Thank you for showing me your bride. She is lovely." He looked at me, tears still there, grabbed my hand and just said thank you. As I was walking out I felt like my spirit was with him. I found myself thanking God for my love and praying that he would give us 65 years of a fun and exciting life together.
I have been thinking about him all day. Wondering if he has family that takes care of him. Wondering if he has friends that he can pal around with. Does he eat cereal in the morning or oatmeal...probably oatmeal...he seemed like an oatmeal eater. Is he ok to be driving on his own? But mostly I think, how amazing this day was because I had a brief encounter with him and how much I would've missed, had I not had to go pick up that 8 x 10.
Today I scooted our little Toyota into the first parking spot at Walgreens (being thankful for the spot...Spencer says I have magical powers when trying to find a good spot), hopped out and breezed into the store. I walked passed the candy isle (chewy sprees were calling my name...I made it out without giving in wahoo!) and strolled on over to the photo stand. I noticed a frail old man was standing at the photo machine...you know the one that you can duplicate your prints and make copies. I thought to myself "how in the world is he going to know how to work that? Half the time even I get stumped...I get all the way to the end and I have made an error or I accidentally press cancel instead of print." He, let's call him Joe, was asking the lady at the counter for directions, (she seemed kind of annoyed but helpful still). And I heard it "You are about to witness history" Joe said. I immediately became intrigued, not only because he was a elderly man whom I have a heart for, but because I love old stories and the history that comes from those elderly men.
He finished what he was doing at the machine and came over to the stand where I was. I had already asked the lady to please get my 8 X 10 I came to purchase. I noticed he placed a picture on the counter and a box of old slides. In the picture was him about 15 years younger it seemed and a lovely lady who looked to be around the same age. They were smiling as big as their mouth's would allow. She had warm eyes and the picture showed her as someone who was full of life. And you could just tell Joe was there to love whomever that pretty lady was.
I pointed to the picture and said "That's a good looking lady you got there", with tears in his eyes he looked at me, smiled and said "She is my one and only sweet-heart. We were sweet-hearts for 65 years. I lost her about 3 years, no 6 years ago" My heart sank for him. His love had left him 6 years ago and it probably feels as real as the day it happened. But more than the sadness I was feeling for him was the thankfulness I felt for God giving him those 65 years. He went on to tell me what a fun and exciting life of love they shared. The slides in the box were from the war he was in for two years after they were married. I felt sad that I wouldn't get to see them when he printed them... i kind of wanted to stay and watch but marriage duty (dinner) was calling.
As I paid and turned to leave I put my hand on his shoulder and I said "Thank you for showing me your bride. She is lovely." He looked at me, tears still there, grabbed my hand and just said thank you. As I was walking out I felt like my spirit was with him. I found myself thanking God for my love and praying that he would give us 65 years of a fun and exciting life together.
I have been thinking about him all day. Wondering if he has family that takes care of him. Wondering if he has friends that he can pal around with. Does he eat cereal in the morning or oatmeal...probably oatmeal...he seemed like an oatmeal eater. Is he ok to be driving on his own? But mostly I think, how amazing this day was because I had a brief encounter with him and how much I would've missed, had I not had to go pick up that 8 x 10.
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